a picture of marie kondo frowning in front of a messy room filled with clothes, toys and junk

Why We Love Options – My Room is A Mess, Marie Kondo Can’t Even Help Me

Fade in From Black, Title Appears “The Other Way Around”

In my room, waking up at around 10am+ on a Saturday, the morning after a dreadful & sorrowful night. I went to bed the other way around, as in having my head where usually where my feet would be and vice versa. I recommend anybody to do so if you want to get better sleep.

You’re feet aren’t as heavy as your torso (most of the time), so chances are that the lower end of your bed is firmer, and in turn feel more comfortable. Just a tip. It’s proven for me to be a wonder when finding myself having difficulty going to bed, especially with having anxiety.

I had already woken up, yet spent about 20-30mins just taking in the first of many breathes of the morning. Slow, deep, breathes. I wanted to do a full-bodied stretch as I was sore from working out the day before. A beautiful morning stretch whilst again facing the other way than usual. Instead of southward I was facing north.

A minor change in your routines (e.g. sleep position, working out,…) can trigger a sense of surprise in your mind, I think. At most times, I catch myself doing repetitive things in a different manner. To get a different perspective of it all.

A minor change in your routines (e.g. sleep position, working out,…) can trigger a sense of surprise in your mind, I think. At most times, I catch myself doing repetitive things in a different manner. To get a different perspective of it all.

I thought to myself, “peace to only see peace.”

We Love Options

I assume that is the sole reason we adore entertainment. We love the different type of lenses available for a DSLR camera, we love the visual retention to video, content, advertisements, etc. We love a different perspective, an escape from the norm, options.

Boredom can kill us.

Whether it’s about your partner and the ever-growing yet lackluster relationship you have or would it be the everyday routine of hanging your clothes on the clothes rack to dry, maybe doing it from the right of the rack instead of the left today, just to see what changes.

It doesn’t have to be extravagant, it doesn’t have to be a gasping amount of change, a slight angle of a difference when pouring your milk whilst it hits the cereal , as if it were waves crashing against an unmovable rock in the ocean coast. A slight change could be all there is to want and maybe even to need.

Today I wanted or rather needed this slight change on 1 thing specifically, bilik aku (my room).

My Room Is A Mess

As I sat down getting ready to take a bath, I couldn’t stand but to just worry on the organized clutter that has become a norm in this closet of a room. Wow, that sounded rough.

My room. I just couldn’t.

I started with small actions. Looking at my Casio Watch and remembering that I still have the box for it, I prioritized to find a home elsewhere other than my table. Same thing goes for my Moondrop Chu IEM Earphones that haven’t seen the light of day due to the microphone jack on my laptop being faulty right as I bought them. Yes, I already tried cleaning the earphone jack, it’s not a cleanliness issue, it’s just broken. Sounds like my ex. Just joking I don’t have one. Alright, moving on.

Even as I was going through each item taking it a step at a time. I couldn’t help but to feel suffocated and having tightness of the chest. I couldn’t breathe well, probably due to the lack of air circulating in my room, but more so this environment I am in, this mess. Other items that were initially in my table desk organizer were chucked into a waist bag and put in the corner of my room amidst many other things stacked below it.

I started looking around.

One spot specifically allured me. The spot I spend 90% of the time at, my work desk. Shelves in front of me. As I scan each item across, slowly, I pause at each and ask myself, “do I need that?” For 99% of them, my answer would be “no”. Over the past few years, things/ materialis/ items have been more of a nuisance than an answer to my problems.

Clutter is the result and I can’t take it anymore.

What Should I Do?

The first thing when finding an issue to try to make it better, in this case, from messy to clean.

A thought that came to mind was selling my possessions off to someone whom would care for them hopefully as much as I did. I’ve had my fair share of selling pre-loved clothes and items on Carousell, so this should be fairly simple. Even so, I just can’t be bothered to keep them as inventory anymore.

Something most people forget when wanting to sell items is “where should you store them?”

In my case, it would be my room. Hence, planning on selling anything would just prolong all the junk that lays in it. So what are the options then?

  1. throw everything and anything deemed useless to me.
  2. sedekah/hadiah or in other terms to giveaway to anybody who would want them or benefit from.

Other than that, none. No other option. Because once I start clearing, it should be a case of “stay” or “be gone”. Decided there and then.

Approaching the Accomplices

I went up to my family, and told them to please get anything from my room that is theirs, or that they would like to keep. “Soon I’ll be clearing my room. Soon”. Thus, giving them ample time to check in and out of my room to find what they see valuable in their eyes.

A lot of my family’s things are in my room. That may be shocking to some (I think), yet there are many items older then I am, just sitting there and taking valuable space from a living and breathing creature, a.k.a me.

My mental energy has degraded far more than I would ever imagine it to be. Too many things, not enough space.

A Thin Little Nib On A Beautiful Little Pen

Yesterday I used my Kakuno Fountain Pen to write a message to my friend. I hadn’t used my fountain pen in months. For the first time in a long time, I opened the cap and started writing in my sketchbook, as a journal. Haven’t done this in a while as well, this is what I wrote:

To have such little love, that you confide to “things” in life for comfort. But, they don’t bring me comfort anymore, I can think of a few things that do. Things like letters, Acceleracers Hot Wheels, my cable holder from Japan and my childhood Quran. Those are on the top of my head. Literally, everything else is just, nothing to me. So, let’s clean up and see how we can revitalize this 20yo room. I’m not leaving anytime soon anyways.

In this still moment of writing in my sketchbook, even with it being a short message, I felt the inherent beauty of writing once more. I have been journaling for many years now. Started on A4 Paper, then a book, then a proper journal and now mostly in Notion.

Once accumulated I would transfer it to a Word document and organize them into months of the years. So in a way, my journaling has gone online. However, in this moment I got to experience a split second of purity writing on paper with my Kakuno Fountain Pen once more.

If I Don’t See It, It’s Not There

I am wearing sunglasses while writing this. Why? Well, I tend to wear them when I see too much clutter, as it gives me a literal anxiety attack. Imagine, what has led me to this breaking point where a mere mess (granted accumulated mess) leads me to have difficulty breathing. In the past, once even experiencing a panic attack just because of “a mess”. To each their own when it comes to defining a mess though, unfortunately.

I digress, wearing sunglasses whilst writing this somehow helps my mind focus directly on the task at hand. I think it helps direct my vision only ahead, because of the way the frame blocks the diagonal left and right. Similar to the side view mirrors of a car causing a blind spot when driving.

As I sit in my room, wearing my Lee Cooper sunglasses and writing this post, I reckon all that I have felt is merely due to the feeling of being overwhelmed with being in such a tight environment. I have to assure myself, that it is something we can fix.

It’s not impossible, just a bit hard, tedious and time-consuming…. but not impossible.

In Hopes of A Better…

All of that being said, I will take my time. no rush, no rush, go slow. Think, plan, set goals, execute.

I’m taking it very2 slow today, just gotta take a step back, tu je.

This just shows I care about myself enough, enough to want to help myself.

🤍

this post is an excerpt from my private journal, edited for the public

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