I have a tendency to get into something new and being enthralled by it immensely. To the point that all my other interest and opportunities are put to the side for one single thing. And it happens generally every month? This time its a bike.
Table of Contents
๐ don’t be like me
It was the 3rd of February 2024. I was stuck. Been thinking of getting a motorcycle for so long. So many criteria and requirements but fear and worry at the same time. Ultimately I was asking myself a single question, for my situation and use case, “am I making the right choice?”
I don’t usually ask for help. I do when I experience immense physical pain. But anything that is less than getting my shoulder dislocated or having an epilepsy, I try to deal with myself.
Just for your knowledge, it’s not healthy to do so. Any issue whether big or small (subjective btw), can be solved with more than one person, a.k.a. you. Ask for help. It’s unfortunate that I find it very stressful and difficult myself, but I do know that everytime i did ask for help, it proved to be more helpful than not.
๐ฌ the boys
In the early afternoon, I forced myself to message my group of friends.
I was upfront of the issue at hand. And how I would like to discuss about it, in person. Since my thoughts are more so scattered I figured it would be much easier for all parties to talk in person rather than messaging, waiting, contemplating on my next response, waiting etc. Little did I expect, the group had some funny antics happen to it. Some laughs were definitely exchanged.
2 of my friends agreed to meet up for the night. 9pm was the time.
๐ด oops
In an unspoken way, I think I am known in my friend group to be late ahahhaa. I didn’t plan to sleep for this long. In the afternoon, sleep deprivation was getting to me. And I decided to take a nap. Little did I know, I woke up 2 minutes before 9pm.
Straightaway I messaged the boys, and updated them of my mistake. They didn’t mind though. I told them that I was getting ready and dipped for the usual cafe that we frequent (whenever I do meet them, which is rarely, because most of the time I am severely depressed to even move, let alone socialize).
๐ง meetup
Got there. Met the first of two, Luqman. We had funny banters about the broken down shop beside the cafe. I was making my friend laugh. That felt great to do. “Don’t change what’s not wrong, keep what’s working”.
Eventually my other friend Nabeel came by. We talked about his new car that he got, being able to put it inside the store as a showroom. There was even a sponsored-read in the middle of the hangout. Where we all looked away and faced a direction, “this video is sponsored by Betterhelp, use code BOSS for 20% off” ahahhaha.
My first ad read during a hangout.
After our icebreaker, I brought up my bike situation.
๐ฅ FYI
I preemptively told the boys that this is definitely a first world problem. To which one of my friends never heard of that. I explained by giving a faux scene:
Imagine the waiter brings you a glass of water. You then complain about the taste of it. Saying, “it’s not fresh as the one I drink at home”. Whilst other people are on the other side of the world (third world), hoping to just get a drop of water for their newborn baby.
Laughter commenced and information was shared. Just a side note, glad I could enlighten a friend on a new concept they’ve never known (or understood). It made me feel kind of useful in a way ๐
๐ค nuffsaid
Throughout my adulthood life I’ve realised more and more that experiences, thoughts and feelings don’t necessarily have to be explained to great detail. In fact, a lot of what I had experienced in my life CAN be explained with just a simple sentence. I like writing though. Did that with assignments in University, and now with my blog ๐ So over explaining here would be merely a treat for myself.
I started by giving an introduction of my issue at hand, in which the solution entails getting a motorcycle. As I was explaining, I was getting more and more emotional about it, rather expressive. That was when I would stumble on my thoughts. In to which Nabeel would stop me and say, “It’s okay, I know what’s going on here”
I was so pleased at that. Making a joke to what he had said, “tak perlu cakap banyak ah”.
This reminded me of a therapy session I went to. My therapist explained that I was, “distressed”. In that session it was extremely difficult for me to explain a simple thing. It took me too many tries, and too many attempts to end up not relaying the message properly. “Time wasted”, I thought.
However this night I spoke with clarity and efficiency. It could be because of my acceptance of lifes’ wills (which happens every so often – when I’m not severely depressed) as I was already feeling good of even taking the step to ask for help in the first place. Whatever happens happens type of mindset. With that, anxiety was long from attendance.
I was present and aware. Able to make my friends and myself laugh. Happy to be there.
โ๏ธ why a bike?
I’m gonna make this short and sweet. It’s a challenge for me but I’ll try
A bike is most possibly the most convenient form of transport for my supposed use case as of now. It saves energy, money, and most importantly time. It is a great skill to learn. A way forward to find independence and sense of care for something outside of myself.
Did I do good? GREAT JOB ADIB WOOOOOOOO
๐ฎ mish mash
I told them my end goal in which is to learn to ride a motorcycle. Both of them gave solid input on their thoughts.
Nabs would inform me about finances, how much I should be spending etc. Luq informed me about the inner workings of a manual transmission. Just so I could get an idea what differs for a clutch machine vs not one. It was a whole discussion.
Overall it lightened my load a bit about how i went through thinking about this initially. Certain things that never would cross my mind prior like something as simple as, getting a license to identify whether I would even be interested in a motorcycle.
๐ซจ sharing stories
I am known in the group to not share much. I guess that stems from my childhood till now, whereby I tend to have to act a certain way and be a certain way. That I eventually lose all sense of my own beliefs and thoughts. This night was different…
I would bring up stories of this guy having parked his entire collection of motorcycles (with expensive bid number plates), placing them all over the property. And how other residents don’t agree with that sentiment. Just for the fact that others whom are parking only 1 bike would have to pay for a monthly parking spot per se, where as this “dato” has literally and I kid you not, around 40 motorcycles just parked everywhere without having to pay for any of them to be there.
Having shared that it dawned on me only when both Luq and Nabeel were to say at the same time, “oh attitude problem”.
I also kind of issued a brainstorming session. Maybe I could get a bicycle instead of a motorcycle. Just to practice balance? But Nabeel insisted that getting a motorcycle straight would be most beneficial. Just because that is my end goal anyways. So there wouldn’t be much reason to postpone that process even more. TRUE.
๐ด surprising father
I also shared on the fact that there was a time, where I was picking up my father from the train. As we were arriving home. he brought up a question to me, “what affordable car is best out there right now?” I simply said, “probably an Axia. Can get one secondhand at maybe RM20,000”. But then I was curious, for what? So i asked. And what he said after shocked me…
“for youlah to drive around”. I was honestly too stunned to speak. The only thing I said was, “oh takpe takpe no no”. That was where the conversation with my father ended at.
As I told this story to my friends, Nabeel would say, “oh yeah your dad likes to surprise you kan”
Just a thought. Another thought that I wouldn’t really ponder on, until somebody else would say it. He actually has surprised me a lot in the past. I don’t have much of a relationship with him unfortunately, but there are some things that are right in front of you that you tend to look past. I think this was one of those blessings that haven’t really bothered to ponder on, until now.
๐ค repeating thoughts
It shocked me to have whatever I said many months before still lingering in somebodies mind.
Nabeel brought up to Luq that there was once a time when I had given him a thought to ponder on. “Even when putting on skincare, you should not be harsh, to be gentle as you apply the product. You won’t see the affects now, but all the years of mercilessly scrubbing your face with products, can reduce the beautiful affects it would have given otherwise.”
Only because of how you apply it.
He added that that nasihat or advice that I had given has been lingering in his mind since then. I was honestly super shocked at that. It felt so wonderful to feel as if what I say does have an affect on somebody in a positive way. That what I say isn’t all garbage and lacklustre.
That what I say can be useful to somebody else out there.
๐ konklusi for my gentle mind
We had a grand old time afterwards (adib check journal). However, as to keep on track with the topic at hand, here is a synopsis of the advice and new thought provoking insights on whether I should buy a bike or not, from my friends:
Nabs:
- still get a secondhand bike for practicing at home, but get a proper license.
- make sure finances of getting license and getting bike line up.
- you donโt want to make an impulse purchase, this could be impulsive.
- Don’t overspend on the first bike. Beli secondhand lanjan takde risau.
- reassured me that he could teach me to ride as well. As apparently, he has ridden every range of bikes out there.
Luq:
- get license, try out feel of riding.
- consider whatever bike you get, money burned.
- know that you’ll fall, so expect to fail especially at the start.
- Consider whatever bike you get, that the money spent on it is burnt.
- Inform the seller that it’s my first time buying a bike. And to ask for directions on the buying process.
Both:
- Dont spend above RM2K
In hindsight I have no idea if getting a working well maintained bike under RM2K is possible. I’ve been scavenging for weeks after this days event, and it’s been really hard finding something that doesn’t look like it would split in half any second, at teh same time costs less than RM2K.
I guess I just have to pick out of the litter and see what happens.
I like findings deals though so this will be a “fun” challenge.
Me:
Like such wow conversations. How i carried myself was very good alhamdulillah!
Still ada feeling i don’t owe them or they dont’ owe me.
I was asking for help and thats all… just opinions ๐
Unlike before when I was a people pleaser. Depending on others to like me 24/7, always had to make sure what I was doing, thinking, etc was okay for them rather than for myself. The usual… family too. Just was in a pickle and wanted some input asyik aku je kena fikir3. Pecah kepala cerita lain pula.
This reminded me, I said something like, “malanglah…….” that made both the boys laugh cause I sounded like a guy from a P. Ramlee movie speaking in proper Malay language ahahahha. It came out naturally and skillfully i gotta admit ahahhaha.
GREAT JOB ADIB well done alhamdulillah
Told them at boss โthank you boys for the input cause iโve been racking my brain bout thisโ. Both of them thumbs up at the same time ahahaha.
Leaving nabs place, I said โi’ll consider you guys punya opinion and make a decisionโ. Just as an all-rounder for the session circling back to why i nak lepak in the first place
Incredible
Gonna think on it
Sit on it
Hmm sit on it adib Insyaallah
self-deprecating thoughts days prior
I know this blog post has been quite nice. I mean that’s just me saying that, but days prior I had a thought to my own. I just want to combine it here. Just because it makes sense to do so.
Its actually good that i walk a lot for the car Penat tapi tak mati pun Im fat so unknowingly i benefit juga
What about i xnak guna hak org lain? Its my ego speaking As if i have a say Kalau beli motor hutang juga
Nak beli ni bukan PERLU perlu Hanya kehendak Hutang untuk kehendak?
Pemikiran masa nak beli pun Lebih kepada stress daripada excitement Lebih susah daripada senang Belum beli lagi dah pening kepala
Tak perlu Tak perlulah adib Guna kereta tak mati haha Malu? Ego? Sedih? Penat? Itulah kebahagiaan hidup
Belajar apa yang boleh sekarang Guna apa ada Byk area hidup boleh fokus selain ulang alik dgn motor. Kerja? Studies? Duit? Badan? Muka? Walhal lain yang amat2 lebih penting
Belajar online, ambik lesen, cun Takpe berjinak2 Rezeki dtg datanglah Fokus yes? Yes.
๐ asked guards
A funny thing happened as I was contemplating about this motorbike dilemma.
I was at Aeon Big chilling and vibing doing some grocery shopping. As I was leaving I saw two guards, one of them sitting on what seemed to be an electric motorcycle. In a spur of curiosity I made a quick u-turn and pulled up right beside them. Lowered my window and said, “bos! ni motor apa bos?”
Both the guards were shocked at first but very quickly were eager to show me the bike. I asked if I could take pictures of it, and they obliged. I added onto it saying, “cantik bos saya suka” and he smiled gleefully. He even pointed to the WhatsApp phone number written on the back of the bike. I said my thanks and we parted ways. A drive-by conversation, a first!
In short though, I messaged the number asking for an inquiry on the bike, but the seller said that this bike was only for security personnel. Pity me thinking I had a solution to my problem ahahahhahahah. The bike looked sick too, nothing like the electric bikes that you would find on Shopee. Similar to those you know (i’m being honestly here) kinda ugly ones that Americans use in their stores called, Rascal Scooters? Yeah lots of them online.
But nowhere near as cool as the one I saw.
ู what now?
It’s been 13 days since that day with my friends. I still haven’t gotten a motorcycle or put effort into getting my license. Fear is a hell of a barrier my dear…
What I can say, in terms of progress towards approaching that sweet first ride (and fall), I’ve been learning so much more on top of everything that I’ve already learnt about bikes prior to the day with my friends.
Now entering more into gear, local brands, bikes that supplement better support for spare parts, security protocols to take.
One thing I do appreciate out of all this, is that I CAN be interested in something. Just because I have depression and anxiety does not mean I am not able to have interests. It’s still possible. It still is possible.
I’ve been discovering so many pocket communities all around from Honda Ruckus enthusiasts to exhaust experts to helmet connoisseurs. It’s just incredible seeing the types of information, content, and wisdom being shared all around the idea of mere motorcycles.
Alhamdulillah.
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