INFJ, Is YouTube Right For Me? | MasaMu #2

a quick dissection of the difficulties of pursuing YouTube as an Introverted person (INFJ). First and foremost, to get this out of the way, I don’t necessarily believe in the MBTI quiz, it’s merely a fun test to see your overall stand as a person based on a psychology test. It’s just fun. But I digress, is YouTube right for a person like myself?

🔦 Cerita Disebaliknya

One day, I had finally finished editing another video, this time a vertical one. Having posted in on YouTube Shorts, TikTok and even Instagram Reels, initially I was ecstatic with what I was able to accomplish but…

I am uncomfortable

I purposely prioritized footage that did not have my face, because of my insecurity at this moment in time, having gained about 16kg. At this moment, I feel quite disgusted with how I appear. So in turn, I opted for a no-face video, even neglecting a voiceover, music was the background track. Only 1 out of the shots had me in the frame, others were b-roll of my environment. I had felt so uncomfortable after posting the video. My question is:

Why?

There is really no excuse though, right? It’s just clips over music.

🤔 Going At This All Wrong

I figured, I am thinking about this all wrong. Dulu, I suka guna computer, then end up masuk computer science but ultimately it was a wrong decision. I was using my perfectionist ideology as as the only young man in my middle-class family to pursue a career that had the most prospects of making the most money, specifically for my parents.

I know I know, it’s not wrong to do so. But over time, especially having experienced my downfall in 2020 leading me to quit my degree this year, reflection led me to the main reason I even went for computer science. Why did I think it was good for me?

Well, I liked gaming, computers, new hardware, etc. So if I like technology as an interest, why wouldn’t I go for a “technology-based degree?”

It just makes sense made sense.

📜 Learning From The Past

Fast forward to me now: YouTube and Blogging

This new venture, this new interest that will definitely not give me any return anytime soon. Immense time has to be spent, immense patience is required. In a way, the Computer Science degree and YouTube are similar in more ways than not.

Not the types of things themselves, but more so why I chose either one in the first place.

With Computer Science, it was my initial interest in technology that led me to pursue it. On the other hand, with YouTube, it’s because I am an avid YouTube consumer.

When YouTube had a global shutdown many years ago I saw myself scowering the Internet trying to find a source of entertainment, or more so escape from reality at that time. In that moment I realized that YouTube is the definition of the Internet for me. Where else would I go? I tried reddit, forums, etc, but they never could scartch the itch. Writing this now, this could have been diagnosed as an addiction kan? ahahahha.

On top of that, I also have ample video editing experience, specifically in Adobe Premiere Pro, having learnt all I know from YouTube tutorials and how to guides. From nothing to something, it’s possible. Editing was my gateway to posting YouTube videos for gaming content and funny edits. It was also a proven beneficial skill in University when every semester there would have been a video project required. I, with my already existing knowledge made it easy for everybody.

I think I like it, I think I should like it, I think I would like it.

Maybe showing my face or using my voice or creating content should be my thing? At the very least, it could be right? I don’t know until I put proper effort isn’t it? Pastu now I suka guna YouTube, end up bila post je, as soon as post I rasa tak sedap hati. Rasa nak delete, not good enough, need some comformity, nilah tulah. Such an uncomfortable feeling.

😮 The Reason This Is Happening

It’s this feeling of… I have no idea, it’s in my chest though. Kenapa eh? Is what I am doing wrong? Is what I am feeling due to it being a wrong decision or my own self-belief. I tak expect apa2 pun from posting this one video, it’s just that I rasa cam.

Maybe because it’s something new to me. Showcasing myself and my work to the world. hm. Yeah, I am definitely doing something that is uncomfortable to me, honestly.

In the sense of reality though, I am not hurting anybody nor am I intending to. It’s just an uncomfortable feeling. Mungkin disebabkan I selalu jauhkan diri daripada benda2 baru in the past, having to take my steps slowly to make sure I don’t spiral into absurdity repeatedly again and again. Making a move on such a long-awaited goal of mine, is causing me to feel unnerving, tak tenang ceritanya.

Thus, when I finally do something uncomfortable or rather out of my comfort zone, I rasa irked. Rasa tak sedap hati.

Mungkinlah 🙂.

And to think I recently received my book, “Show Your Work” by Austin Kleon. Hopefully it would help in this YouTube endeavour. Nevertheless, I want to finish “Thinking, Fast and Slow” by Daniel Kahneman. It’s so bloody boring I tell you, but it has helped me tremendously in the way I think since first reading it.

Halfway there, it should be a worthwhile read. Insyaallah.