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Sometimes in this life unexpected or even unwanted issues arise.
Today or whenever I am writing this, I made a website in a single day. The fact that I’ve managed to curate an entire website, a properly functioning and BEAUTIFUL website in a single day. Yet I am still able to feel…..sad. I should be happy. I am happy 🙂, astounded even! After weeks of intense hours of learning and pushing through my self-loathing tendencies,
I can still do it!
I had told myself. Surprised at every instance in which I would’ve given up if I were the same a year ago. But I did it! I made a website! By myself….me myself and I, hm.
But…..
Ever since a couple of days ago, I found out that in a day from now, my friend is leaving the country.
Why am I sad though? I guess to be frank she is the most understanding, present, and comforting individual I’ve met in such a long time. In the past few years, her presence, the constant joy and glee I get from experiencing her aura, I would try my very best to take in every moment with her as if it were my last,
to look at her, be with her, there and then.
I wouldn’t have thought that this day would come where I wouldn’t be able to see her anymore. Sure, I could see her online, socials etc…. but there’s nothing, NOTHING better than a real-life presence of somebody you truly care for in this life.
A Male’s Perspective
The purpose of this blog is to showcase true emotions and represent a male’s POV of the world. As you may expect, guys don’t necessarily speak on anything, anything truly important rather. It can be difficult just to find a support system. A support system that truly makes you feel seen, acknowledged, known.
She gave me that feeling.
Now it could be the fact that I’ve grown up around women most of my life. Thus, giving me a certain comfortability with them. Or it could be this recent change in myself. This change that makes me not wonder about the possibilities of having RM1 million in the bank account, or the new car that just came out, or a piece of surface level input given and received amongst individuals around a square unbalanced table being supported by a piece of folded up paper.
Could be that I just want more than that. Something meaningful. Something to feel. But I made a website, shouldn’t I feel proud? Or is this overwhelming sorrow dragging my happiness away?
They were always there
Granted, I find more meaning and peace being around my mother’s succulent plants surrounded by the DIY plants pots filled with greenery that are probably older than I am. Having anxiety attacks, epilepsies, in front of them in the midst of the night sky. The plants they were always there. The cats they were always there. The air it was always there.
Could you understand why I don’t necessarily care about monetary items? Being a guy, it wouldn’t make sense to not care about the sound of a passing superbike revving it’s engine while leaving behind a guttering feeling in your chest.
Yet it still doesn’t fill the hole in heart the same as seeing, observing, touching, a cute little plant in my mother’s garden.
The same feeling I have when I think of my dear friend. Unfortunately,
she won’t always be here, unlike… the plants, the cats or the air.
I wish her the very best in her venture. She deserves everything and more in this life, more than I would ever be able to showcase let alone provide. Such a wonderful woman.
Take care.
written @10pm 5/6/2023