Table of Contents
okay so
i am aware that i am fat
the article below is an edited snippet from my personal journal on 24062023, real quick real easy. I set too high of expectations on myself that I end up hating the work and eventually hating the person. That’s what happened with this blog post, not proud of it but it is something to learn from. Starting from the process down to the outcome, including headaches and forced products. That’s not what I want, and definitely not what I deserve.
Same goes for where I have led myself with my weight in play. Enjoy my bilingual journal insert of English and Malaysian languages, “Bahasa Rojak“ we call it. written at 3am till 5am in the midst of just waking up. Thank you for stopping by 🙂
The Night Before
semalam i ate 5 ayam mcd with 2 pots of rice and kicap. “one shot one kill”
tidur terlentang no skincare no nothing, tidur 10pm. aiyoyo
bangun 3am. realized what happened and disappointed in myself. i tak hate on myself just disappointed. so i went through my thoughts for like 2 hours including a video album recording in bed with samson about my fatness and what i can do to fix it or rather get better with it.
Plan (ease in)
- walk everyday, at least for either half an hour or 2km
- 25 pushups and 25 squats everyday
- workouts are not necessary but encouraged
3am in Mind Cornea
i touched on my weight, my journaling, what i have done in the past weeks, what has worked and hasn’t. banyak benda, even about my blog post yesterday. how i am not proud of it, it just looks whack, was rushed and tak best. from now on i write when i want, when i feel is best. forcing content on blog isn’t the way to go.
i biasanya nak deletelah apa tak best with youtube kan, but i should leave it for… apa ni…, pengajaran. and i want to make a blog post maybe about weight and leading into the previous blog post yang i tak puas hati. jap lemme check my sketchbook:
the 3am – 5am conversation with myself was super beneficial
Pg. 1
I’m fat
Makanan adalah masalah saya
Kenapa?
- comfort
- boredom
- reward
i think i deserve “bad” food. but i actually deserve good food. Healthy food. Healthy lifestyle. I deserve healthy food, not fast food that i think is a “deserved” treat. Sebenarnya, i shouldn’t deserve to eat these things yg teruk.
I deserve good food. Healthy food.
Pg. 2
Me
Step away
Reflect where i am going.
Start w/ body. Exercise. Diet. Because It truly Bothers me. LOOK BACK
Blog, YouTube, Career… tunggu sat. aku gemuk ni. Xde self-love.
Pg. 3
Blog & YouTube.
Never Release a product that is forced.
Go Slow
Pg. 4
I’m Uncomfortable when Going Out
I’m Uncomfortable to do YouTube
I’m Uncomfortable even when writing.
I’ve been wearing the same 2-4 pieces of clothing.
Especially a jacket…
That Is A Sign.
Pg. 5
I am actually disappointed in myself.
I want to do so much that I forgot my own well-being.
My body. My health.
very nice. also i ada fikir nak pull back, and reflect kiranya. but i thought i taknak stop terus pushups all. might just reduce it.
Also with the list of exercises:
- walking (tak susah just will power)
- pushups (very sore, taknak tinggal terus, so kita reduce, ego jangan eh)
- workout (kalau mampu tapi digalakkan)
Consistent Lebih Penting Than…
Yang pasti, fokus on being consistent. Jadi buat kerja yang tak susah pun, willpower je rendah sekarang. kita maintain, walking. pushups insyaallah 25 25 ni padu enough for now. nak consistent tu je. 5 per hour agak2, very doable.
workout pula, digalakkan sebab taknak strain sampai stop. buat secukupnya. mungkin also buat 2 workout SAHAJA. contoh, arnold press and lunges, dah. next dah buat lain pula.
tak perlu berteruk2 sangatlah. consistent tu penting. belum seminggu dah losing myself.
Diet Ke Laut
diet pula lagi satu, all i said to myself about that is be aware of what you are doing. i delete juga apps grab and mcdonalds. dahlah membazir duit, mahal weh, pastu makan tak ingat dunia. alhamdulillah masih simpan baju lama. semua ketat metat. aware. boleh aware.
i should write like this in blog huhu oh I CAN.interesting.
i’ve been mad at my circumstances and lacklustre relationships lately but 3-5am i fikir i risau pasal orang lain sangat that tengok diri i ni. barai teruk. man. nggak risaulah pasal mereka. kita fokus kendiri. alrighty Masyaallah.
in hindsight
Amazing awareness and realization of the problem. Without hating on myself, rather just straight to constructing the plan. Bagus. Also funny that I wrote I would use this for the blog. here we are vro. i also like the non capitlized form, just like how i message people and even journal. “Shift” button is rarely used in my informal life, so this is cool ahaha. maybe i can keep this going. also, yeah bro i’ll get into my weight lose weight gain all of that in the future. and lastly the desire to make every post everything i put out perfect. the seo for this post is worse than usual…
but i taknak overthink, i taknak risau melebih.
none of this matters in the long run anyways.
the dirt is where i will go back to. here we are, merely for a short while
but as for now, i am fat and it’s 3am